Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Saturday, November 10, 2007
What Year Is It?
The other night my phone rang. I do not know why I answered. I did not know the number, it was a 916 area code. It very well could have been work and it was past 7 pm. I am glad I did. The woman on the phone identified herself as being from the department of agriculture. She said she was calling in regards tot he Valencia Oranges and the department wanting to come out and do some testing. She then went on to ask if my husband was home, with giving me any time to reply. I immediately skipped over he fact that I did not have any Valencia Orange trees and went right to the is your husband home question. I asked her why would it matter if my husband was home, what is the reason she needed to speak with him. She told me she wanted to get his permission. WTF? Ok, Lady...1)I do not have any Valencia Orange trees so I think you have the wrong number, 2) I am a completely autonomous woman and even if my husband was home I would not need to obtain his permission for anything being done around our home. Is this 1950?
Monday, October 29, 2007
I have a hole in my body
Let's start off by saying I am having a good day. I have had two crappy things happen though. A filling fell out of my back molar this morning while I was eating spaghettios. Spaghettios you say? Yes, spaghettios. I now have a hole in my mouth. Holes pretty much anywhere in my body gross me out, except I like my vagina, ok, I like all of the holes that God intended to be there, but not man made ones. Sick, top it off, the only temporary filling left at Rite Aid is cherry flavor.
The neighbor just stopped over to borrow some milk. I am sober. I reach into the pantry to get him a cup and wham, whack my cheek on the door frame. OUCH. It really smarts, but I guess I do not have much smarts.
The neighbor just stopped over to borrow some milk. I am sober. I reach into the pantry to get him a cup and wham, whack my cheek on the door frame. OUCH. It really smarts, but I guess I do not have much smarts.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Tolerance
I went to court on Monday morning. The judge was supposed to rule on custody and support, but since my lovely ex did not show up for mediation orientation or the actual mediation appointment, the judge sent us back to sign up for another appointment that he may or may not make. FUCK! So now I am waiting another two weeks at the least, to get custody of my kids.
I like that he tries to stay close and I have to see him a lot (I like it this week.) Everything he does is irritating and reminds me of how I no longer have to be tolerant! FUCK YES to that.
There was a big debacle at the house after and the police were here again, but, like I said, I have no tolerance and do not have to. He would not leave was acting in a threatening manner, so he was gentle prompted to leave by a call to Ventura's finest. He is mad, mad, mad, but this is my space and him invading is not acceptable.
I also like the Dad and when he asks me how I am, what can he do for me, what he can do for me. I try to remember if Byron was like that. I try and be different in the fact that I do not take care of everything. I am a capable one woman show, and I am with my kids and home, but in my next relationship I am planning on being less efficient. I feel bad for the Dad being my next relationship. I am so not trusting, fuck Byron, I have to get past that as soon as possible. I like trusting people first and then letting them lose it if they will. It is always better to begin full. I am also a lot less flexible. I think my tolerance will eventually increase once I am further away from the main event. It has been three months, it feels like it has been a few years, I think maybe it has really been that long in terms of having a working relationship. Only snag I am running up against is sometimes the kids get in the way of my new social life. Geez, darn them. It is also positive because they force me to be less involved in any new relationship. I do not like lying, hiding, whatever, but it is not for the kids to be involved in yet. I think, I know, there heads are still spinning from their change in familial status, so a new person is inappropriate at this early stage.
Off to put the babes to bed and bathe for my secret date (that makes me chuckle).
I like that he tries to stay close and I have to see him a lot (I like it this week.) Everything he does is irritating and reminds me of how I no longer have to be tolerant! FUCK YES to that.
There was a big debacle at the house after and the police were here again, but, like I said, I have no tolerance and do not have to. He would not leave was acting in a threatening manner, so he was gentle prompted to leave by a call to Ventura's finest. He is mad, mad, mad, but this is my space and him invading is not acceptable.
I also like the Dad and when he asks me how I am, what can he do for me, what he can do for me. I try to remember if Byron was like that. I try and be different in the fact that I do not take care of everything. I am a capable one woman show, and I am with my kids and home, but in my next relationship I am planning on being less efficient. I feel bad for the Dad being my next relationship. I am so not trusting, fuck Byron, I have to get past that as soon as possible. I like trusting people first and then letting them lose it if they will. It is always better to begin full. I am also a lot less flexible. I think my tolerance will eventually increase once I am further away from the main event. It has been three months, it feels like it has been a few years, I think maybe it has really been that long in terms of having a working relationship. Only snag I am running up against is sometimes the kids get in the way of my new social life. Geez, darn them. It is also positive because they force me to be less involved in any new relationship. I do not like lying, hiding, whatever, but it is not for the kids to be involved in yet. I think, I know, there heads are still spinning from their change in familial status, so a new person is inappropriate at this early stage.
Off to put the babes to bed and bathe for my secret date (that makes me chuckle).
Preoccupation
I purchased four dwarf hamsters (all females) from a person I found on Craigslist. For thirty dollars, I got everything, cage, bedding, food, exercise balls, a race track, everything we needed. The kids love them. They took them to their Dad's this weekend and lost one. Her name is Trickster. He just called and said he found Trickster last night, so our numbers are back up again. Well......the three cats absolutely love them. They put their ears into little hoods and contently stare at he cage all day long. I am talking all day long unless either of the two parties are locked away in other rooms from each other.
Here is my conversation with Susamina last night:
"You like those new little rats in the house, don't you? They preoccupy your thoughts."
Then I took a minute to think about what I said to her and the Dad flashed through my mind.
The conversation ended:
"I know how you feel Suz."
Here is my conversation with Susamina last night:
"You like those new little rats in the house, don't you? They preoccupy your thoughts."
Then I took a minute to think about what I said to her and the Dad flashed through my mind.
The conversation ended:
"I know how you feel Suz."
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Spilling It
Hi, you are right my friends, I just have not had time to sit and type about my life. So, I have a bit of time, I would like to be in the bath, but I have spare time because the kids really pissed me off tonight, so they were in bed by 6.30. I am over whining, fighting and saying things twenty times. I think that comes with being a mom but I am tired today. Byron has stayed here the last two nights. He was supposed to be out of town yesterday, but the night before I said it was ok, he wanted to be with the kids. This is so fucking hard. it is so amazingly fucking hard. I am not sure how to deal with it so I am going day by day. He knows I am seeing the Dad, he does not know it is the dad, he is just aware of someone. He forces me to look at myself and question my decisions everyday. My emotions are so raw that I can hardly stand it anymore. I cry all the time when no one is around. I know I am making the right decisions for my children and I. I have not changed in the last four months on that one, but geez, I wish he would leave me alone. I know though he has to process it to and come to terms with our family and how it will be. The asking for forgiveness, the whys, the how can yous are finally getting to me. He came on so strong with it on Tuesday night, Wednesday night adn kept it up this morning when he was leaving at 4.30 am. I kept saying what the fuck are we talking about at 5 in the morning, then Molly woke up at 5.30 and would not sleep more. OUCH.
One the other hand, I have this sweet man, who is so into me (which is scary in itself). He really likes me and tells me and even asks me how I feel. I like him, I really like him, he is my type and that is not all together good. I was going to go for not my type this time. I thought that would work out better. I am dating the Dad, all of the time, dating him, and me fucking ow, believe me, but I am so gun shy at this point and scared to like him. I feel bad for him. I now have all of these rules, the kids do not know, Byron does not know, we sneak around, but not really sneak around. He puts up with all of the Byron bullshit very nicely. It is so weird and he just lets me know it is ok to be as weird as I want about the situation and he knows I know what is best for my kids and he respects that. WOW. Whatever I want is the way it is, that is so odd for me and I know not realistic, but I am so happy that he realizes my limitations right now and they are no reflection on him, so he is totally ok to go along with whatever they are. I know I also mentioned that he has great vocubulary and he reads books, YEAH!
I saw a picture of my friend Vonnie with a friend, what is going on with that? Why is there nothing to report on that?
One the other hand, I have this sweet man, who is so into me (which is scary in itself). He really likes me and tells me and even asks me how I feel. I like him, I really like him, he is my type and that is not all together good. I was going to go for not my type this time. I thought that would work out better. I am dating the Dad, all of the time, dating him, and me fucking ow, believe me, but I am so gun shy at this point and scared to like him. I feel bad for him. I now have all of these rules, the kids do not know, Byron does not know, we sneak around, but not really sneak around. He puts up with all of the Byron bullshit very nicely. It is so weird and he just lets me know it is ok to be as weird as I want about the situation and he knows I know what is best for my kids and he respects that. WOW. Whatever I want is the way it is, that is so odd for me and I know not realistic, but I am so happy that he realizes my limitations right now and they are no reflection on him, so he is totally ok to go along with whatever they are. I know I also mentioned that he has great vocubulary and he reads books, YEAH!
I saw a picture of my friend Vonnie with a friend, what is going on with that? Why is there nothing to report on that?
Monday, October 15, 2007
Social Conciousness
Come on my friends out there, I know you are all very intelligent and driven people, there are a lot of crazy things going on in the world and we know they are not right and still some people are continuing to live blissfully in their own world and not putting forth that good energy to others.
On Free Speech TV the other night (which can be checked out at freespeech.org) I watched Axis of Evil: Perforated Prater Naturam. Normally, I would have passed over this title, but the channel was on when I turned the TV on and I got drug in to the show without even knowing what it was called. It just reminded me of needing to do something, to put effort towards changing something for the better, for all people. So here are some of the things I recommend checking out other than the aforementioned movie.
moveon.org
freespeech.org
impeachbush.org
antiwar.com
icasualties.org (the DEATH count as of September 18, ****3787****, this does not include all of those that have lived but had their lives altered by wounds, both physical and emotional, the families that have endured the same and the soldiers, who will make it home, but will never feel the same as before going to war in our world)
savedafur.org
darfurgenocide.org
unicefusa.org
nccp.org (check this one out to show how things are looking in our own country or try the US Census)
anysoldier.com
adoptaplatoon.org
uso.org
thinkprogress.org
voteusout.org
worldpublicopinion.org (yes, others do think differently than us)
This is by no means an exhaustive list, there are tons of good places to put forth our time and energy. You can sign up for newsletters at most of these sites that inform you of activities in your own communities or political pushes that are going on, who to write to, etc.
ALOS, be aware that China still purchases large quantities of goods from the Sudan. This supports the janjaweed. Fuck both of them. DO NOT BUY CHINESE. DO NOT SUPPORT THE GENOCIDE.
Peace and love.....
On Free Speech TV the other night (which can be checked out at freespeech.org) I watched Axis of Evil: Perforated Prater Naturam. Normally, I would have passed over this title, but the channel was on when I turned the TV on and I got drug in to the show without even knowing what it was called. It just reminded me of needing to do something, to put effort towards changing something for the better, for all people. So here are some of the things I recommend checking out other than the aforementioned movie.
moveon.org
freespeech.org
impeachbush.org
antiwar.com
icasualties.org (the DEATH count as of September 18, ****3787****, this does not include all of those that have lived but had their lives altered by wounds, both physical and emotional, the families that have endured the same and the soldiers, who will make it home, but will never feel the same as before going to war in our world)
savedafur.org
darfurgenocide.org
unicefusa.org
nccp.org (check this one out to show how things are looking in our own country or try the US Census)
anysoldier.com
adoptaplatoon.org
uso.org
thinkprogress.org
voteusout.org
worldpublicopinion.org (yes, others do think differently than us)
This is by no means an exhaustive list, there are tons of good places to put forth our time and energy. You can sign up for newsletters at most of these sites that inform you of activities in your own communities or political pushes that are going on, who to write to, etc.
ALOS, be aware that China still purchases large quantities of goods from the Sudan. This supports the janjaweed. Fuck both of them. DO NOT BUY CHINESE. DO NOT SUPPORT THE GENOCIDE.
Peace and love.....
Myspace Posts
Dear Mr. President: I dont wanna be in your military. I dont wanna bury my own kind. I wanna make up my own mind about who I hate, not what the national slate has in mind. you see, the american interest is rarely in mine, and Ive got my own wars to wage. I dont need to engage in your war for oil overseas. im the lesbian minority, see. so I dont need a major to tell me what to be or who to do things to somewhere across the pacific. my sex is too specific to report to a general. and in general, dykes dont respond to command. so why do we demand to a part of this irrational masculine swarmy that poses as a national army? ive seen armies, seen them on picket lines, welfare lines, seen them storming the Capitol, storming the streets, demanding justice and peace. Ive heard of armies in history, in Birmingham, in Montgomerey. but these dressed-to-kill boys with their made-to-kill toys, these yellow ribbons that choke trees. please, its a joke. a sadistic display of militaristic play that ends in american dreams for the owners of both teams. and who suffers? who buffers the attack? who lacks the cash to decline the invitation to the nations most expensive party? those hearty boys promised schooling, then sent on their way to collect their pay from the grave. well, I dont mind being war-depraved, honey, we can fight for more than big boys and their money. Id rather fight phil knight, bomb all his bonds. Id rather wage a gay crusade on the pope. grope my girl in front of his nose. Id rather pose a problem to disney, expose michael eisner as a meiser, mickey mouse as leader of the rat race-- just slice right down that rodents face. and its a disgrace to be a rapist of developing nations when we cant stop the rape of developing girls. id rather unfurl an attack on our money guzzling undercover embezzling enemies- imprisoning just us with no dollar power impersonating justice from their donald trump tower with their billion dollars trillion crimes waging their personal war on the poor for more power in this world of ABC NBC CBS -- this country runs from CEO to shining CEO, sending us across the ocean for the promotion of their cash-devotion ideology. well, I dont desire your superstar badge of bravery for enduring modern-day slavery in your maniacally economically-driven death trap. anyway, id give the U.S a bad rap, Id kiss every fine Iraqi dyke on the front line, fuck national pride, Id go to their side. I prefer crossnational desire to crossfire anyway. and i dont need your fatigue uniform to perform my battles. im wearing layers of tired just from battling the liars of our system every day. and my Dear Mr. President: Id rather die, lying in the heat of a fuck I call mine than in the fucking line of duty youve made mine. but, fine, its the new big thing to demand inclusion in your land-intrusion ethic-free military, to request same-sex affirmative action to de-factionalize who dies in your money-for-the-man C-span cam scam, lost-and-found game you call war where we get to lose our lives when youve found whats worth more. well, when this dyke goes down, shell go down knowing what its for. -Alix Olson
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Candy
I went to dinner with the Dad from Connor's school last night. Did I say he was yummy? Well he sure is.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Yumminess....
I did something crazy last night. It was so fun.
I have a crush on this guy that I know. He is a dad of one of the kids at Connor's school. I know where he lives. He is, or I got the impression, or was if I did not screw it up last night, into me a little too.
My friend Beth and I rode downtown and got HAMMERED. It was so much fricken fun. We went out with her 70 yr old mom and aunt and partied. The older ladies left us early on and that is how Beth got there. I rode my bike. So we only had one bike to get home and ended walking. Well the dad happens to live on the way home. Beth and I took turns riding or pushing the bike and ended up passing his house about 3 am, so we stopped. His TV light was on. He came to the door,said "Hi, what's up?" Me, did I mention totally trashed, so trashed I scraped both my knees falling a few times, said "hi, we were just going home and had 1/2 of a left and wanted to see if you wanted to smoke it with us." Him, "Well, uhhhmmmm..." Me, "oh, are you alone?" Him, "No." Me, "Oops, sorry, see you later." And then I laughed my ass off the rest of the way home. I am sure he heard. I do not know if who he was with did. It felt so good to get out. I am going make peace in myself about what happened with the Dad soon. I am going to understand, my nagging self consciousness that comes out is ridiculous. I know he liked me, so I took a small bit of a chance, and it did not work out or maybe it did. No use in worrying about the future when it is not here. Next time he sees me he is probably going to say, "Man that was so hot, seeing you the other night. Why don't you bring that over and we can hang out, have so beers, smoke, and then make monkey hungry luv for a few hours?" Me, "Ok, see you tonight, all of you, all of you with that rock hard body and tattoos. You are just yummy and I am looking forward to eating you up."
Really, he is pretty cool and he is pretty hot. He teaches ultimate fighting, cage fighting, jujitsu for a living. He plays music too and is a single parent really into his kid, and is his witty with a good vocabulary. So I think he would be perfect to hang out with and roam each others bodies. If not, I can still run into him at school and think about doing things to him.
I got a new cat this week. Her name is Marshmallow. She is long haired, creamy and toasty brown. She is watching me type right now.
I have a crush on this guy that I know. He is a dad of one of the kids at Connor's school. I know where he lives. He is, or I got the impression, or was if I did not screw it up last night, into me a little too.
My friend Beth and I rode downtown and got HAMMERED. It was so much fricken fun. We went out with her 70 yr old mom and aunt and partied. The older ladies left us early on and that is how Beth got there. I rode my bike. So we only had one bike to get home and ended walking. Well the dad happens to live on the way home. Beth and I took turns riding or pushing the bike and ended up passing his house about 3 am, so we stopped. His TV light was on. He came to the door,said "Hi, what's up?" Me, did I mention totally trashed, so trashed I scraped both my knees falling a few times, said "hi, we were just going home and had 1/2 of a left and wanted to see if you wanted to smoke it with us." Him, "Well, uhhhmmmm..." Me, "oh, are you alone?" Him, "No." Me, "Oops, sorry, see you later." And then I laughed my ass off the rest of the way home. I am sure he heard. I do not know if who he was with did. It felt so good to get out. I am going make peace in myself about what happened with the Dad soon. I am going to understand, my nagging self consciousness that comes out is ridiculous. I know he liked me, so I took a small bit of a chance, and it did not work out or maybe it did. No use in worrying about the future when it is not here. Next time he sees me he is probably going to say, "Man that was so hot, seeing you the other night. Why don't you bring that over and we can hang out, have so beers, smoke, and then make monkey hungry luv for a few hours?" Me, "Ok, see you tonight, all of you, all of you with that rock hard body and tattoos. You are just yummy and I am looking forward to eating you up."
Really, he is pretty cool and he is pretty hot. He teaches ultimate fighting, cage fighting, jujitsu for a living. He plays music too and is a single parent really into his kid, and is his witty with a good vocabulary. So I think he would be perfect to hang out with and roam each others bodies. If not, I can still run into him at school and think about doing things to him.
I got a new cat this week. Her name is Marshmallow. She is long haired, creamy and toasty brown. She is watching me type right now.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Nothing Like a Good Back Massage
My kids think that the massager behind my bed is actually used on backs. I find it funny when I come in the room and they are using it for it's initial intended purpose instead of what I like it for.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
New Insight
Hello, my sweet few friends that listen to my thoughts. I have purposefully kept you all out of the loop because I was tired of hearing myself talk about it. You all know what a wonderful and loving relationship Byron and I have, well, he decided to push me around again and I called the police, the DA pressed charged and after four months the case finally was dismissed today. A lot happened in between all of this, but I am filing custody papers this week. It is the second step int he divorce process, the divorce papers were already filed. I have been living by myself since the beginning of July and been a single parent since then because the court place a no contact ordered for the children and I against Byron for this entire time. That has been lifted today. Byron let everyone know how broken up he was blah blah blah. I knew the court was going to be dismissed on Monday, my advocate in the DA's office talked the DA into continuing the case until today, he was going to dismiss it on Monday and she felt I should have warning. I am not scared anymore, but I do appreciate the warning. Connor called him on Monday night for the first time since the beginning of July to talk and asked him to call him back. He has not called Connor. If I had not been able to see my kids in two months and a court order was lifted at 9 am today, at 9.15 I would have fucking been here. piss off you fucking loser asshole man that will never understand the value of the lives that are impacted by you r decisions, fuck you asshole fuck face that can not grow up and get over your childhood trauma in order to reduce the trauma of your own beautiful children, and so on and so on ad nauseum. It seems like, to me, I have not said anything because we have been apart so many times and you all know all of the dirt because i am not a hider and I am not ashamed of who I am or what I do. I had to get this far to admit to myself it is real. I am single. i am going to be so blessed by further living my life without that bad influence.
I confessed on a website called True Wife Confession. I find it very interesting and not so telling. I know many woman who are going through or have gone through many if not all of the confession. I did make a suggestion though and one man decided he would use it. He started a blog for men. I think the insight provided is good. Check out anonyman.
Peace and love from the west side.....
I confessed on a website called True Wife Confession. I find it very interesting and not so telling. I know many woman who are going through or have gone through many if not all of the confession. I did make a suggestion though and one man decided he would use it. He started a blog for men. I think the insight provided is good. Check out anonyman.
Peace and love from the west side.....
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Out of the mouths
The other day I was standing in line with both of my kids, plus someone else's I was watching. I was a bit harried at that time. Crazy. It did quiet down for one minute though. That particular minute, Molly was standing under my skirt playing. This is not unusual for her, I mean, if you could stand under a big tent and play instead of wait patiently in line, wouldn't you? This particular day, Molly says, "Mom, I can see your butthole." I love that girl. I felt the need to explain to everyone around, that, today, I was wearing underwear. It was a good laugh.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Constancy
I remind myself almost every few minutes how beautiful that life is and how fortunate I am.
Friday, July 06, 2007
Dreaming
I had a wonderful dream last night. It was so fun. I was with a group of people (This will be synopsized because a lot of moving around happened and I was with a lot of people in a lot of different places.) and coming home in the snow to where I lived when I was growing up. We were in some sort of parade on the freeway, which had no cars on it. It was snowing and we were being dragged in sleds and had to go off of cliffs. It was beautiful out. I also had a broken foot, so I was limping around in a soft cast (just like the one I had when I really did break my foot, hmmm?). We got to the exit on the freeway and were starting up the hill. It was becoming increasingly difficult for me to walk, so my friends and I jumped on a bus. The bus took us to the top of the hill, then we started hiking again and climbing steps. While climbing to my house, Chevy Chase came up and was talking to me. He climbed with me for a while and we continued visiting. ( I read an article about him yesterday and how he was raised, badly, and in an abusive home.) He then handed me a check for 2,200,000.00 and said he wished I would just grow and enjoy myself. He also said that if I ever needed more he would take care of me. Suddenly I was transported to Australia and was hiking in the most beautiful places ever, canyons, red rock, beautiful bridges, and I was no longer myself, but I was Rory Gilmore. I flew back home and stopped in at a restaurant on my way there. I ordered some steak, jumbo scallops, and jumbo prawns. I also picked four bottles of really good wine and was headed home to eat with my friends. Then I woke up. It was a nice break from my reality.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Wow
Talk about being low....
I am so sad right now I can not even believe it. I am also so happy, weird, yet again.
My Grandma died this early evening. I really am connected to that woman and I still feel it, but I am missing her voice.
The kids and I are off to Washington for an unspecified period of time. My family and I are going to get together talk, eat and drink and celebrate her life. I have such a close wonderful family. I can not wait to be there with my children, my mom, all of my cousins that I have missed so much in the last few years. Grandma contributed so much to everyone of the people I know It will be a crazy, fun, and poignant time for me. I think this is one of the most difficult weeks of my life.
I am so sad right now I can not even believe it. I am also so happy, weird, yet again.
My Grandma died this early evening. I really am connected to that woman and I still feel it, but I am missing her voice.
The kids and I are off to Washington for an unspecified period of time. My family and I are going to get together talk, eat and drink and celebrate her life. I have such a close wonderful family. I can not wait to be there with my children, my mom, all of my cousins that I have missed so much in the last few years. Grandma contributed so much to everyone of the people I know It will be a crazy, fun, and poignant time for me. I think this is one of the most difficult weeks of my life.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Procrastination
I was singing the word procrastination, set to the music of Carly Simon's Anticipation when I just wrote my headline. I like Carly Simon. Her music reminds me fondly of my mother. I like my mother too.
I have been wanting to write lately, but I have followed my lazier, dirtier resolution so well, that I have not. I do think about it in my head though, but that is as far as I get. I can not tell you though how much of a positive experience my resolution has been. I still feel some nagging, good old fashioned Catholic guilt, but not nearly enough to move me to action. I feel like I have been enjoying myself even more lately and I thought I was before a lot too, so it is a whole lot of enjoying myself around here. The kids and I have been camping, met new friends, painting, coloring, swimming, to the beach, to the library, reading, writing, dancing a bunch and it has been fun. Do not get me wrong, my lovely sarcastic attitude about the hassles they present are still there, but since I am lazier and dirtier (I almost solely apply this around the house), they are a lot less hassle because I can let it all roll off my back. Maybe one day I will get better at this computer thing and upload pictures of them and add fancy stuff to my blog, but I do not think so. I am too lazy to figure it out and am quite happy with how things are now.
I think that in the last few days I have seen the funniest live moments in my life. I have laughed until I almost peed my pants. I think maybe to be fair though, I just may not remember all those other funny moments and different things may be funny to me at different times. I peed my pants a lot at one point in my life, so it must have been really fun then too. I am sad not to remember and I also feel blessed not to remember. I am adding another resolution. I am choosing to find as much enjoyment in each moment of my life as I possible can. I am working back in to PollyAnna mode. I am also working on stretching my emotions and intellect and taking more risks, as much as I can push myself, because why do I have boundaries? I can do what ever I try to do and why should I listen to that old voice inside me that whispers negative things into my soul, stealing a little joy. FUCK THAT. I have no need for the negative voice. I am experiencing the joy that is presented to me in this universe undiluted.
I passed the examination to become a CA credentialed teacher. I just received my official letter today. I have not decided where i will go with it, but it is there when I do. Technically, this means I can home school my kids. Would I really want to drive myself completely over the bend though? I think not.
I have not seen a bicycle crash in about ten years and on Saturday night I saw two. I felt bad for laughing, which I did at both instances, but the comical quality of the events were unparalleled.
Ok, random thoughts and kind of all over the place when I reread it, but that is the way my mind runs sometimes.
I am off to honor my resolution and put a frozen lasagna in the micro, open a bag salad, and toast a bagel for the kids for dinner.
I have been wanting to write lately, but I have followed my lazier, dirtier resolution so well, that I have not. I do think about it in my head though, but that is as far as I get. I can not tell you though how much of a positive experience my resolution has been. I still feel some nagging, good old fashioned Catholic guilt, but not nearly enough to move me to action. I feel like I have been enjoying myself even more lately and I thought I was before a lot too, so it is a whole lot of enjoying myself around here. The kids and I have been camping, met new friends, painting, coloring, swimming, to the beach, to the library, reading, writing, dancing a bunch and it has been fun. Do not get me wrong, my lovely sarcastic attitude about the hassles they present are still there, but since I am lazier and dirtier (I almost solely apply this around the house), they are a lot less hassle because I can let it all roll off my back. Maybe one day I will get better at this computer thing and upload pictures of them and add fancy stuff to my blog, but I do not think so. I am too lazy to figure it out and am quite happy with how things are now.
I think that in the last few days I have seen the funniest live moments in my life. I have laughed until I almost peed my pants. I think maybe to be fair though, I just may not remember all those other funny moments and different things may be funny to me at different times. I peed my pants a lot at one point in my life, so it must have been really fun then too. I am sad not to remember and I also feel blessed not to remember. I am adding another resolution. I am choosing to find as much enjoyment in each moment of my life as I possible can. I am working back in to PollyAnna mode. I am also working on stretching my emotions and intellect and taking more risks, as much as I can push myself, because why do I have boundaries? I can do what ever I try to do and why should I listen to that old voice inside me that whispers negative things into my soul, stealing a little joy. FUCK THAT. I have no need for the negative voice. I am experiencing the joy that is presented to me in this universe undiluted.
I passed the examination to become a CA credentialed teacher. I just received my official letter today. I have not decided where i will go with it, but it is there when I do. Technically, this means I can home school my kids. Would I really want to drive myself completely over the bend though? I think not.
I have not seen a bicycle crash in about ten years and on Saturday night I saw two. I felt bad for laughing, which I did at both instances, but the comical quality of the events were unparalleled.
Ok, random thoughts and kind of all over the place when I reread it, but that is the way my mind runs sometimes.
I am off to honor my resolution and put a frozen lasagna in the micro, open a bag salad, and toast a bagel for the kids for dinner.
Monday, April 09, 2007
Good Energy
Wow, things are flowing around the space I reside in. It is a great feeling to just sit back and enjoy life. I went to a wonderful party on Saturday night. I knew about 1/2 of the people there. The other 1/2 of people I met. It was one of the most comfortable, positive places I have ever been with that many people and tequila involved. There was a great reggae band playing and tons of laughing.
Something seems to have shifted. I can not quite put my finger on it, but I feel less tension around. My life is still the same, same people, same hassles and headaches, but it is......
It could be the anti depressants. Maybe after finally taking them off and on for 15 years they are finally working. Is this feeling coming from a pill? Is this how "normal" people feel every day? Aren't you all like me and feel the same things I do? Has the despair of the world lifted and gone? Is all of the violence and terror that permeates day to day living on it's way out? Are human beings finally understanding God , religion, and spirituality are not about fighting for the top position? Are all of the unimportant, inconsequential, mundane everyday annoyances fading into the back ground of acceptance, love, understanding and tolerance? or is it just the bottle of champagne I drank while making dinner and cleaning the house? I really like a good champagne buzz. It is sweet and light, like my imp Molly.
I heard wonderful news about my friends. They have procreated and are expecting the next beer lover to be born soon. The first baby is always so unexpected and exciting and challenging. The second baby is too, but not in the same novel way. When I was pregnant the first time it was the only thing that occupied my mind. Thirty nine weeks of my life passed and I could only focus on myself and what my body was doing. It was incredible. Then Connor was born and it was incredible too, in a different way. Some days and nights I did not think I would be able to put my foot in front of the other to get to the swing to pick him up. Exhaustion permeated my entire being. To be honest, six years later, it still does. Now, though, the exhaustion has become a way of life. I function this way and it feels comfortable. On those days when two rolls around and I can barely keep my head from rolling to the side and drool from dripping out of my mouth, I just brew up a fresh pot of coffee and comfort myself with the fact that seven is coming around the corner. No one, I mean no one, can ever say or show another how it feels to bring a baby into your life. It is so overwhelming in all ways positive and negative. I still try and run from the kids quietly so I have the time to pee by myself. It is nice that they offer to get me the toilet paper, to wipe, to help out but geez, there is nothing like peeing by yourself once that luxury is taken away. I am also waiting to enjoy having my boobs touched again. After two children hanging and sucking on them for over two years, they have gone on strike. Maybe I should tell my friend, the baby daddy, to get his feels in now because after....well after, anything touching those puppies are just an annoyance. And the pain of breast feeding, I have never been tortured, but I recall, holding my breath, crying, and thinking, ok, he only eats for about ten minutes, I can do it, take a couple deep breaths and go. Fuck it hurts, maybe more than the birth, but I had an epidural, so who knows. It hurts bad.
I have a but going on right now. On Saturday I will be taking my test to get my CA teaching credential. yes, I may one day, work to educate your children. It is scary, i know, but my education makes it a possibility, do not blame me, I am just looking for a fun direction, it is the state of CA you can write to about their requirements. I am nervous. I have not taken an exam since i got my real estate license in 1997. I am majorly out of practice and fractions are awful. remembering all of those math rules is something I am working on. if I have not done it since fifth grade, then I need some refreshing.
Connor will be home tomorrow after spending spring break with my mom is WA. He is so bossy and tried to always be in charge. I wonder where he got that. I think I will blame Byron. That is why you have two parents. That way you can blame someone else for the things that you do not like about your kids. It becomes, your kid did this today. This is another great way to avoid responsibility!
Something seems to have shifted. I can not quite put my finger on it, but I feel less tension around. My life is still the same, same people, same hassles and headaches, but it is......
It could be the anti depressants. Maybe after finally taking them off and on for 15 years they are finally working. Is this feeling coming from a pill? Is this how "normal" people feel every day? Aren't you all like me and feel the same things I do? Has the despair of the world lifted and gone? Is all of the violence and terror that permeates day to day living on it's way out? Are human beings finally understanding God , religion, and spirituality are not about fighting for the top position? Are all of the unimportant, inconsequential, mundane everyday annoyances fading into the back ground of acceptance, love, understanding and tolerance? or is it just the bottle of champagne I drank while making dinner and cleaning the house? I really like a good champagne buzz. It is sweet and light, like my imp Molly.
I heard wonderful news about my friends. They have procreated and are expecting the next beer lover to be born soon. The first baby is always so unexpected and exciting and challenging. The second baby is too, but not in the same novel way. When I was pregnant the first time it was the only thing that occupied my mind. Thirty nine weeks of my life passed and I could only focus on myself and what my body was doing. It was incredible. Then Connor was born and it was incredible too, in a different way. Some days and nights I did not think I would be able to put my foot in front of the other to get to the swing to pick him up. Exhaustion permeated my entire being. To be honest, six years later, it still does. Now, though, the exhaustion has become a way of life. I function this way and it feels comfortable. On those days when two rolls around and I can barely keep my head from rolling to the side and drool from dripping out of my mouth, I just brew up a fresh pot of coffee and comfort myself with the fact that seven is coming around the corner. No one, I mean no one, can ever say or show another how it feels to bring a baby into your life. It is so overwhelming in all ways positive and negative. I still try and run from the kids quietly so I have the time to pee by myself. It is nice that they offer to get me the toilet paper, to wipe, to help out but geez, there is nothing like peeing by yourself once that luxury is taken away. I am also waiting to enjoy having my boobs touched again. After two children hanging and sucking on them for over two years, they have gone on strike. Maybe I should tell my friend, the baby daddy, to get his feels in now because after....well after, anything touching those puppies are just an annoyance. And the pain of breast feeding, I have never been tortured, but I recall, holding my breath, crying, and thinking, ok, he only eats for about ten minutes, I can do it, take a couple deep breaths and go. Fuck it hurts, maybe more than the birth, but I had an epidural, so who knows. It hurts bad.
I have a but going on right now. On Saturday I will be taking my test to get my CA teaching credential. yes, I may one day, work to educate your children. It is scary, i know, but my education makes it a possibility, do not blame me, I am just looking for a fun direction, it is the state of CA you can write to about their requirements. I am nervous. I have not taken an exam since i got my real estate license in 1997. I am majorly out of practice and fractions are awful. remembering all of those math rules is something I am working on. if I have not done it since fifth grade, then I need some refreshing.
Connor will be home tomorrow after spending spring break with my mom is WA. He is so bossy and tried to always be in charge. I wonder where he got that. I think I will blame Byron. That is why you have two parents. That way you can blame someone else for the things that you do not like about your kids. It becomes, your kid did this today. This is another great way to avoid responsibility!
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Birthday Massage
My mom bought me a massage for my birthday. I went last night and laid on a table for 1.5 hours. It felt so good, hurt so good, and was just almost long enough. I do not know though, that any time is long enough when you are having someone rub your body all over. She focused on my skull, my neck, and shoulder as that is where my stress is carried. She worked over and over once she found a tight spot until it was totally relaxed. It hurt! I just took deep breaths and let it out. She also used Reiki on me. It was warm and buzzy, or was that the smoke?
I do not get massages often enough. Here are my issues: underwear or no underwear. I went with no underwear, but if I had my period I would have worn them. Dirty feet: I have concrete floors, my feet are dirty the minute I walk out of my bedroom. They are also really calloused from this even though I scrub them everyday. She did not rub my feet, was that why? Dirty body: I knew I was going to get greasy and would need a shower afterwards, so I did not shower before hand. She wanted to work under my arms to loosen up my neck and shoulders, gross, but she did it anyway. Hairy legs: I have gotten so good at being lazy that I know never remember to shave, the therapist was kind enough not to say anything though. The worst part was: gas..... I have awful gas right now. I love it, it smells so rich, but Byron says it makes him want to throw up (makes me like it more). I did not want to fart while getting my massage but three, yes, three times, one hit my digestive tract and tried to push itself out. Here is was, comfortable, being rubbed, all limp, and then whammo, I would tense up like a coil and try to pinch the fart off. Of course, she knew what I was doing, unless I had some sort of spastic disorder. How is a person supposed to react in that situation, just let it fly. It makes sense the more relaxed you are, the more RELAXED you are. I did not let it ruin my time there, but I did think about it some. I still feel really good and relaxed today. I think that is better than therapy, just get a massage like that once a week instead and you will not give a shit what is going on in your life.
I do not get massages often enough. Here are my issues: underwear or no underwear. I went with no underwear, but if I had my period I would have worn them. Dirty feet: I have concrete floors, my feet are dirty the minute I walk out of my bedroom. They are also really calloused from this even though I scrub them everyday. She did not rub my feet, was that why? Dirty body: I knew I was going to get greasy and would need a shower afterwards, so I did not shower before hand. She wanted to work under my arms to loosen up my neck and shoulders, gross, but she did it anyway. Hairy legs: I have gotten so good at being lazy that I know never remember to shave, the therapist was kind enough not to say anything though. The worst part was: gas..... I have awful gas right now. I love it, it smells so rich, but Byron says it makes him want to throw up (makes me like it more). I did not want to fart while getting my massage but three, yes, three times, one hit my digestive tract and tried to push itself out. Here is was, comfortable, being rubbed, all limp, and then whammo, I would tense up like a coil and try to pinch the fart off. Of course, she knew what I was doing, unless I had some sort of spastic disorder. How is a person supposed to react in that situation, just let it fly. It makes sense the more relaxed you are, the more RELAXED you are. I did not let it ruin my time there, but I did think about it some. I still feel really good and relaxed today. I think that is better than therapy, just get a massage like that once a week instead and you will not give a shit what is going on in your life.
Friday, March 02, 2007
Resolve to Resolve
OK.....
So far so good my New Year's resolution is still intact.
I resolve to be dirtier.
I resolve to be lazier.
This is my re commitment for March.
So far so good my New Year's resolution is still intact.
I resolve to be dirtier.
I resolve to be lazier.
This is my re commitment for March.
HOE 301 AKA Parenting a Six Year Old
For those of you who do not remember HOE class stands for Hell on Earth.
Man, some days are ended with me thinking I am so over being a parent. Right now the days have been beginning that way. I can not believe I have 18 more years of this. By them time i have breakfast on I am ready to beat both kids and run back to my room and bury my head under the pillow. How am I supposed to get them to stop fighting? How am I supposed to get Connor to put more effort into school, be respectful, not argue, listen and do what he is asked. I have been in strict parent mode for about three weeks now and it is wearing on me. Every day I get asked "Mom, why are you so mean?" I always have the same answer, it is "It is not my job to be nice to you Connor. It is my job to raise you to be a good person, so sometimes you do not like what I do, and sometimes I will need to be mean." Geez, easy enough to understand. I wish I could see the end of the attitude somewhere in sight. I mean the kid has gone to bed early every night for about 2 weeks. Is it working? What else would? He is pretty much down to bare minimum now, how much more can get taken away, the privileges are running out. In order for me to recoup from this grueling time in my parental history I am going to need way more than an afternoon off. I think I am ready for about 2 weeks in a hotel room, completely alone. I could read books, magazines, watch movies, eat sitting down, take a bath, and NEVER have to wipe any ones butt but my own (that is kind of my fault though because I did not want to clean shit out of underwear, so I just kept wiping Connor and now he thinks he can not do it, he will not even poop at school if I am not there he thinks his butt will itch).I am hoping that my old theory of positive and negative phases of childhood last for six weeks. So we only have at the most three more weeks of it and then because he is so crappy right now, he will move into a happy cooperative child! I can do anything for three weeks, but the weeks being days is another story. We get old so fast before we even feel it.
Man, some days are ended with me thinking I am so over being a parent. Right now the days have been beginning that way. I can not believe I have 18 more years of this. By them time i have breakfast on I am ready to beat both kids and run back to my room and bury my head under the pillow. How am I supposed to get them to stop fighting? How am I supposed to get Connor to put more effort into school, be respectful, not argue, listen and do what he is asked. I have been in strict parent mode for about three weeks now and it is wearing on me. Every day I get asked "Mom, why are you so mean?" I always have the same answer, it is "It is not my job to be nice to you Connor. It is my job to raise you to be a good person, so sometimes you do not like what I do, and sometimes I will need to be mean." Geez, easy enough to understand. I wish I could see the end of the attitude somewhere in sight. I mean the kid has gone to bed early every night for about 2 weeks. Is it working? What else would? He is pretty much down to bare minimum now, how much more can get taken away, the privileges are running out. In order for me to recoup from this grueling time in my parental history I am going to need way more than an afternoon off. I think I am ready for about 2 weeks in a hotel room, completely alone. I could read books, magazines, watch movies, eat sitting down, take a bath, and NEVER have to wipe any ones butt but my own (that is kind of my fault though because I did not want to clean shit out of underwear, so I just kept wiping Connor and now he thinks he can not do it, he will not even poop at school if I am not there he thinks his butt will itch).I am hoping that my old theory of positive and negative phases of childhood last for six weeks. So we only have at the most three more weeks of it and then because he is so crappy right now, he will move into a happy cooperative child! I can do anything for three weeks, but the weeks being days is another story. We get old so fast before we even feel it.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Privilege of Being
by Robert Hass
Many are making love, up above, the angels
on the unshaken ether and crystal of human longing
are braiding one another's hair, which is strawberry blond
and the texture of cold rivers. They glance
down from time to time at the awkward ecstasy--
it must look to them like featherless birds
splashing in the spring puddle of a bed
and then one woman, she is about to come,
peels back the man's shut eyelids and says
look at me, and he does. Or is it the man
tugging the curtain rope in that dark theater?
Anyway, they do, they look at each other
two beings with evolved eyes, rapacious
startled, connected at the belly in an unbelievable sweet
lubricious glue, stare at each other,
and the angel are desolate. they hate it. The shudder pathetically
like lithographs of Victorian beggars
with perfect features and alabaster skin hawking rags
in the lewd alleys of the novel.
All of creation is offended by this distress.
it is like the keening sound the moon makes sometimes,
rising. The lovers especially can not bear it,
it fills them with unspeakable sadness, so that
they close their eyes and hold each other, each
feeling the mortal singularity of the body
they have enchanted out of death for an hour or so,
and one day, running at sunset, the woman says to the man,
I woke up feeling so sad this morning because I realized
that you could not, as much as I love you,
dear heart, cure my loneliness,
wherewith she touched his cheek to reassure him
that she did not mean to hurt him with this truth,
And the man is not hurt exactly,
he understands that life has limits, that people
die young, fail at love,
fail of their ambitions. He runs beside her, he thinks
of the sadness they have gasped and crooned their way out of
coming, clutching each other with old, invented
forms of grace and clumsy gratitude, ready
to be alone again, or dissatisfied, or merely
companionable like the couples on the summer beach
reading magazine articles about intimacy between the sexes
to themselves, and to each other
an to the immense, illiterate, consoling angels.
Many are making love, up above, the angels
on the unshaken ether and crystal of human longing
are braiding one another's hair, which is strawberry blond
and the texture of cold rivers. They glance
down from time to time at the awkward ecstasy--
it must look to them like featherless birds
splashing in the spring puddle of a bed
and then one woman, she is about to come,
peels back the man's shut eyelids and says
look at me, and he does. Or is it the man
tugging the curtain rope in that dark theater?
Anyway, they do, they look at each other
two beings with evolved eyes, rapacious
startled, connected at the belly in an unbelievable sweet
lubricious glue, stare at each other,
and the angel are desolate. they hate it. The shudder pathetically
like lithographs of Victorian beggars
with perfect features and alabaster skin hawking rags
in the lewd alleys of the novel.
All of creation is offended by this distress.
it is like the keening sound the moon makes sometimes,
rising. The lovers especially can not bear it,
it fills them with unspeakable sadness, so that
they close their eyes and hold each other, each
feeling the mortal singularity of the body
they have enchanted out of death for an hour or so,
and one day, running at sunset, the woman says to the man,
I woke up feeling so sad this morning because I realized
that you could not, as much as I love you,
dear heart, cure my loneliness,
wherewith she touched his cheek to reassure him
that she did not mean to hurt him with this truth,
And the man is not hurt exactly,
he understands that life has limits, that people
die young, fail at love,
fail of their ambitions. He runs beside her, he thinks
of the sadness they have gasped and crooned their way out of
coming, clutching each other with old, invented
forms of grace and clumsy gratitude, ready
to be alone again, or dissatisfied, or merely
companionable like the couples on the summer beach
reading magazine articles about intimacy between the sexes
to themselves, and to each other
an to the immense, illiterate, consoling angels.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Rules Set for the Good
This is a post by Theresa Neilson Hayden. I found a link to it on VenturaMoms site and thought it bore repeating for the two people that ready my blog :). I am not sure what a link back is, but I think that is for me to link to her site of which I do not know how to do.
You are not required to obey an unlawful order.
You are required to disobey an unlawful order.
You swore an oath to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic.
The Constitution states (Article VI):
This Constitution, and the Laws of the United States which shall be made in Pursuance thereof; and all Treaties made, or which shall be made, under the Authority of the United States, shall be the supreme Law of the Land; and the Judges in every State shall be bound thereby, any Thing in the Constitution or Laws of any State to the Contrary notwithstanding.
Here is article 3, the common article, to the Geneva Conventions, a duly ratified treaty made under the authority of the United States:
Article 3
In the case of armed conflict not of an international character occurring in the territory of one of the High Contracting Parties, each party to the conflict shall be bound to apply, as a minimum, the following provisions:
1. Persons taking no active part in the hostilities, including members of armed forces who have laid down their arms and those placed hors de combat by sickness, wounds, detention, or any other cause, shall in all circumstances be treated humanely, without any adverse distinction founded on race, colour, religion or faith, sex, birth or wealth, or any other similar criteria.
To this end the following acts are and shall remain prohibited at any time and in any place whatsoever with respect to the above-mentioned persons:
(a) Violence to life and person, in particular murder of all kinds, mutilation, cruel treatment and torture;
(b) Taking of hostages;
(c) Outrages upon personal dignity, in particular, humiliating and degrading treatment;
(d) The passing of sentences and the carrying out of executions without previous judgment pronounced by a regularly constituted court affording all the judicial guarantees which are recognized as indispensable by civilized peoples.
2. The wounded and sick shall be collected and cared for.
An impartial humanitarian body, such as the International Committee of the Red Cross, may offer its services to the Parties to the conflict.
The Parties to the conflict should further endeavour to bring into force, by means of special agreements, all or part of the other provisions of the present Convention.
The application of the preceding provisions shall not affect the legal status of the Parties to the conflict.
Article 3 of the Geneva Conventions is straightforward and clear. Under Article VI of the Constitution, it forms part of the supreme law of the land.
You personally will be held responsible for all of your actions, in all countries, at all times and places, for the rest of your life. “I was only following orders” is not a defense.
What all this is leading to:
If you are ordered to violate Article 3 of the Geneva Conventions, it is your duty to disobey that order. No “clarification,” whether passed by Congress or signed by the president, relieves you of that duty.
If you are ordered to violate Article 3 of the Geneva Conventions, this is what to do:
1. Request that your superior put the order in writing.
2. If your superior puts the order in writing, inform your superior that you intend to disobey that order.
3. Request trial by courtmartial.
You will almost certainly face disciplinary action, harassment of various kinds, loss of pay, loss of liberty, discomfort and indignity. America relies on you and your courage to face those challenges.
We, the people, need you to support and defend the Constitution. I am certain that your honor and patriotism are equal to the task.
This post may be quoted in full. A linkback would be appreciated.
You are not required to obey an unlawful order.
You are required to disobey an unlawful order.
You swore an oath to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic.
The Constitution states (Article VI):
This Constitution, and the Laws of the United States which shall be made in Pursuance thereof; and all Treaties made, or which shall be made, under the Authority of the United States, shall be the supreme Law of the Land; and the Judges in every State shall be bound thereby, any Thing in the Constitution or Laws of any State to the Contrary notwithstanding.
Here is article 3, the common article, to the Geneva Conventions, a duly ratified treaty made under the authority of the United States:
Article 3
In the case of armed conflict not of an international character occurring in the territory of one of the High Contracting Parties, each party to the conflict shall be bound to apply, as a minimum, the following provisions:
1. Persons taking no active part in the hostilities, including members of armed forces who have laid down their arms and those placed hors de combat by sickness, wounds, detention, or any other cause, shall in all circumstances be treated humanely, without any adverse distinction founded on race, colour, religion or faith, sex, birth or wealth, or any other similar criteria.
To this end the following acts are and shall remain prohibited at any time and in any place whatsoever with respect to the above-mentioned persons:
(a) Violence to life and person, in particular murder of all kinds, mutilation, cruel treatment and torture;
(b) Taking of hostages;
(c) Outrages upon personal dignity, in particular, humiliating and degrading treatment;
(d) The passing of sentences and the carrying out of executions without previous judgment pronounced by a regularly constituted court affording all the judicial guarantees which are recognized as indispensable by civilized peoples.
2. The wounded and sick shall be collected and cared for.
An impartial humanitarian body, such as the International Committee of the Red Cross, may offer its services to the Parties to the conflict.
The Parties to the conflict should further endeavour to bring into force, by means of special agreements, all or part of the other provisions of the present Convention.
The application of the preceding provisions shall not affect the legal status of the Parties to the conflict.
Article 3 of the Geneva Conventions is straightforward and clear. Under Article VI of the Constitution, it forms part of the supreme law of the land.
You personally will be held responsible for all of your actions, in all countries, at all times and places, for the rest of your life. “I was only following orders” is not a defense.
What all this is leading to:
If you are ordered to violate Article 3 of the Geneva Conventions, it is your duty to disobey that order. No “clarification,” whether passed by Congress or signed by the president, relieves you of that duty.
If you are ordered to violate Article 3 of the Geneva Conventions, this is what to do:
1. Request that your superior put the order in writing.
2. If your superior puts the order in writing, inform your superior that you intend to disobey that order.
3. Request trial by courtmartial.
You will almost certainly face disciplinary action, harassment of various kinds, loss of pay, loss of liberty, discomfort and indignity. America relies on you and your courage to face those challenges.
We, the people, need you to support and defend the Constitution. I am certain that your honor and patriotism are equal to the task.
This post may be quoted in full. A linkback would be appreciated.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Happy Valentine's, Here to hoping for some lovin
Repulsive moans sing elaborately
scream through the moments
pant together as I cry out
delirious with frantic love
breast beneath a running tongue
pounding enormous juices crush
heaved shots producing the bare lust
scream through the moments
pant together as I cry out
delirious with frantic love
breast beneath a running tongue
pounding enormous juices crush
heaved shots producing the bare lust
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Monday, February 12, 2007
I am a singer BABY!
OK, for those of you who know me, this may come as a shock. I have never really done karaoke. I am quite afraid of it. In most ways I am afraid of most things musical because I do not feel very self confident about it. "What?" you say. Jenny not self confident about something, well, "yes", I say, I am terrified of singing in front of people. I realize I may seem very out there and as I am not afraid of much, but I really pushed my own boundaries this weekend. I made it my goal to sing and I did. I sang with Juliana to help me out though and she said she could not hear me because I did not have the microphone close enough to my face, but I was up on the stage in front of everyone. I can totally dance on a stage, but sing...FUCK. It took about 2.5 hours for our act to get called and every time a name was called, I would feel sick to my stomach thinking it was going to be us....so, how did I deal with ti. I downed beer, and as often as possible. I am surprised I was not passed out by the time our turn came around. I do not think I will do it ever again, but I am proud of myself for dragging my ass to that stage even with the twenty pound weights in my shoes. (Yes, it was that hard for me.)
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Mothering and Men
I have been thinking about this topic a lot lately, so instead of the shower I should be taking in my precious moments by myself, I am going to write.
I look back on all of the men in my life that I have been attracted to, OK, not ALL, but most, and certainly those I have entered relationships with. These men are mostly what I deem as fixer uppers. I am trying to sort this one out. They are mostly wonderful, highly intelligent people, that have a highly developed spiritual side, but there is a negative side too. Usually, it is a major negative side, mostly dealing with addition, respect, self esteem. I can not decide if this is a "project" for me, like I need something to do, i need to be in control, I need to be needed, I need to "mother". Is it all of these things? Or do I just have the misfortune (or in this life, have something to learn from) to be connected to and intensely attracted to, for lack of a better word, fucked up people. It is the most fucked up people that I have had the best sex with, the strongest connection to. Is the sex good because we are both half crazy? I know I also am the type of person who likes to wear blinders, but I am also brutally honest about things with myself. It is not as if I do not know about the screwed up parts, it is just I choose to ignore them and look at only the beautiful parts of the other person (until I am way too far into it anyway). I can not seem to get a grasp on my feelings for this and come up with a way to articulate it. I think I will have to revisit it when I have been drinking. I am much better at blogging then.
I look back on all of the men in my life that I have been attracted to, OK, not ALL, but most, and certainly those I have entered relationships with. These men are mostly what I deem as fixer uppers. I am trying to sort this one out. They are mostly wonderful, highly intelligent people, that have a highly developed spiritual side, but there is a negative side too. Usually, it is a major negative side, mostly dealing with addition, respect, self esteem. I can not decide if this is a "project" for me, like I need something to do, i need to be in control, I need to be needed, I need to "mother". Is it all of these things? Or do I just have the misfortune (or in this life, have something to learn from) to be connected to and intensely attracted to, for lack of a better word, fucked up people. It is the most fucked up people that I have had the best sex with, the strongest connection to. Is the sex good because we are both half crazy? I know I also am the type of person who likes to wear blinders, but I am also brutally honest about things with myself. It is not as if I do not know about the screwed up parts, it is just I choose to ignore them and look at only the beautiful parts of the other person (until I am way too far into it anyway). I can not seem to get a grasp on my feelings for this and come up with a way to articulate it. I think I will have to revisit it when I have been drinking. I am much better at blogging then.
Friday, February 02, 2007
Vagina Birth vs. C Section
I just read in the newspaper that the Guinness Book of World Records has the heaviest baby being born weighing in at 22 pounds and 8 ounces. The baby was born to a healthy mother in 1955. Did they do C sections then? OUCH!
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Resolutions
Since February is beginning, I feel the need to restate my New Year's reaolutions. I am going to try and do this every month.
I RESOLVE TO BE LAZIER.
I RESOLVE TO BE DIRTIER.
I RESOLVE TO BE LAZIER.
I RESOLVE TO BE DIRTIER.
Our Children
I email all of my address book today the address for http://www.impeachbush.org/. I have never, I mean never really liked the man....I mean anyone who says, "Why is our children not be educated?" does not have enough education to run a huge nation. This last state of the union address has me thinking a lot about him and what can be done. Maybe, probably nothing can be done, but I sure feel better with myself for actually voicing my opinion in hopes that it can make a change. I do not know a lot about politics and have never really been interested, but I am a mother and all of those (an adequate description fails me right now) people who do their job for our country all have or have had a mother at one point. In a sense because of what they are doing and it being for us, we have to be responsible and not let a person who also says "I am the decision maker...", WTF, decide to send thousands and thousands more of our children to a cause that it will not help. Here is a website listing the fatalities since only May of 2003 http://www.antiwar.com/casualties/list.php.
As of today since the war began March 19, 2003, there have been 3084 deaths and the official wounded count is 23,114. It is estimated thought to be much higher a number. The last fatality of an American soldier was killed today. You can look at the list tomorrow to see if there are any then.
We live in a democracy, which in case you all have forgotten means, governed by the people. Please keep that in mind and choose to take some action no matter where you stand on the issue (ok for reals, only if you stand on my side of it, take action, the rest of you sit on your butts, or you could adopt a soldier to make there time over there for you more comfortable).
I am off my soap box now and off to shower. I had the time today surprisingly, but I used it to lay on the couch, read the paper, eat, and watch TV, very, very selfish, I know, but I wanted it, so I had it! Never had much self control and I hope to not really gain much more, I am having way to much fun as it is.
As of today since the war began March 19, 2003, there have been 3084 deaths and the official wounded count is 23,114. It is estimated thought to be much higher a number. The last fatality of an American soldier was killed today. You can look at the list tomorrow to see if there are any then.
We live in a democracy, which in case you all have forgotten means, governed by the people. Please keep that in mind and choose to take some action no matter where you stand on the issue (ok for reals, only if you stand on my side of it, take action, the rest of you sit on your butts, or you could adopt a soldier to make there time over there for you more comfortable).
I am off my soap box now and off to shower. I had the time today surprisingly, but I used it to lay on the couch, read the paper, eat, and watch TV, very, very selfish, I know, but I wanted it, so I had it! Never had much self control and I hope to not really gain much more, I am having way to much fun as it is.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Ventura's Finest
It sure is a good thing that there were two homeless people trying to fix their bike tire in the bank parking lot this morning. Molly, of course, had to pee and since we are still in a critical peeing stage with her we went back into the bank to use the restroom. Bank of America really cares about their clients and does not offer restroom facilities, even for two year olds crying because they have to pee. They did offer up Von's a few blocks away as a facility to use. I am desperate not to set back my angel's progress and make her feel bad about having an accident, so, I not even noticing the police car about 15 feet away with the canine barking in the back, tell Molly she can go in the bushes. I pulled her little jeans down and helped her squat so she would not pee on them, her panties, or her shoes. I was just pulling her pants back up, when I looked over and noticed the police officer. Whoops, a "real" crime of peeing in public was taking place with in feet of the officer, but it is good for me that I avoided a ticket, because of a crime of homelessness was being committed in more plain view! I have escaped the law once again!
Saturday, January 06, 2007
New Year's
I have been off of this blog for a long time. I can not even tell you directly what I have been going through. I have done a lot though. My mindset is where it has been for a long time, alone.....
In the beginning of December, my family and I, meaning, Byron, Connor, Molly, my Mom, her husband, my sister, her husband and their four kids went to Park City Utah. The trip did not start out so well because the night before I sat in Juliana's hot tub for ours drinking micro brew beers. It was raining like crazy! Jules and I decided to run to the liqueur store for more beer and hoppedon our bikes. I took my bank card and ID in my pocket. We were so wet when we got home I stripped off my clothes at her house and just jumped in he jacuzzi. At about 4 am, I rolled into my bed and at about 5.30 am, Byron threw me in the shower. We all loaded up and headed to Byron's brother for a ride to the airport. All went ok, I did not throw up or pass out. We arrived at the airport and went to check in..."Can I see you ID?"...Oh shit, my ID was in my pocket of my coat laying on Juliana's bedroom floor in Ventura. Oops, sorry, I do not have one, nor a costco card, bank card, anything with my picture on it, but wait, I have a donor card I wrote my name, maiden name mind you, not the name I bought the tickets under, and my address. OK, mam, we will accept that as ID. Whoa, what about 9/11 and all of the crap, I even made it through special screening with my mouthwash in my purse. I could not have looked any shittier when I checked in than I have ever looked in my life, but I got on and I went to Utah, sans ID of any sort!!! YEAH, that was the best.
I lamented a lot in Utah. You have to go to a liquor store for wine or full strength beer. Very Crappy, next vacation I am not going to a red state. On the other hand, all I had to do to get into bar's without my ID was to pay the person at the door. Do I look that old or are they that depserate?
Great, here and all around me. A huge lack of sleep, for music, dancing, drinking, fires, food and lots of friends, it was the best. I am so happy about how it all went down, too drunk now to type more, the kids are alspee and I am going back next door to hang out by the fire....more later....It seems as if maybe I do not know when, but later.....
Happy New Year!
In the beginning of December, my family and I, meaning, Byron, Connor, Molly, my Mom, her husband, my sister, her husband and their four kids went to Park City Utah. The trip did not start out so well because the night before I sat in Juliana's hot tub for ours drinking micro brew beers. It was raining like crazy! Jules and I decided to run to the liqueur store for more beer and hoppedon our bikes. I took my bank card and ID in my pocket. We were so wet when we got home I stripped off my clothes at her house and just jumped in he jacuzzi. At about 4 am, I rolled into my bed and at about 5.30 am, Byron threw me in the shower. We all loaded up and headed to Byron's brother for a ride to the airport. All went ok, I did not throw up or pass out. We arrived at the airport and went to check in..."Can I see you ID?"...Oh shit, my ID was in my pocket of my coat laying on Juliana's bedroom floor in Ventura. Oops, sorry, I do not have one, nor a costco card, bank card, anything with my picture on it, but wait, I have a donor card I wrote my name, maiden name mind you, not the name I bought the tickets under, and my address. OK, mam, we will accept that as ID. Whoa, what about 9/11 and all of the crap, I even made it through special screening with my mouthwash in my purse. I could not have looked any shittier when I checked in than I have ever looked in my life, but I got on and I went to Utah, sans ID of any sort!!! YEAH, that was the best.
I lamented a lot in Utah. You have to go to a liquor store for wine or full strength beer. Very Crappy, next vacation I am not going to a red state. On the other hand, all I had to do to get into bar's without my ID was to pay the person at the door. Do I look that old or are they that depserate?
Great, here and all around me. A huge lack of sleep, for music, dancing, drinking, fires, food and lots of friends, it was the best. I am so happy about how it all went down, too drunk now to type more, the kids are alspee and I am going back next door to hang out by the fire....more later....It seems as if maybe I do not know when, but later.....
Happy New Year!
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