Mothering and Men

I have been thinking about this topic a lot lately, so instead of the shower I should be taking in my precious moments by myself, I am going to write.
I look back on all of the men in my life that I have been attracted to, OK, not ALL, but most, and certainly those I have entered relationships with. These men are mostly what I deem as fixer uppers. I am trying to sort this one out. They are mostly wonderful, highly intelligent people, that have a highly developed spiritual side, but there is a negative side too. Usually, it is a major negative side, mostly dealing with addition, respect, self esteem. I can not decide if this is a "project" for me, like I need something to do, i need to be in control, I need to be needed, I need to "mother". Is it all of these things? Or do I just have the misfortune (or in this life, have something to learn from) to be connected to and intensely attracted to, for lack of a better word, fucked up people. It is the most fucked up people that I have had the best sex with, the strongest connection to. Is the sex good because we are both half crazy? I know I also am the type of person who likes to wear blinders, but I am also brutally honest about things with myself. It is not as if I do not know about the screwed up parts, it is just I choose to ignore them and look at only the beautiful parts of the other person (until I am way too far into it anyway). I can not seem to get a grasp on my feelings for this and come up with a way to articulate it. I think I will have to revisit it when I have been drinking. I am much better at blogging then.