Good Energy

Wow, things are flowing around the space I reside in. It is a great feeling to just sit back and enjoy life. I went to a wonderful party on Saturday night. I knew about 1/2 of the people there. The other 1/2 of people I met. It was one of the most comfortable, positive places I have ever been with that many people and tequila involved. There was a great reggae band playing and tons of laughing.
Something seems to have shifted. I can not quite put my finger on it, but I feel less tension around. My life is still the same, same people, same hassles and headaches, but it is......
It could be the anti depressants. Maybe after finally taking them off and on for 15 years they are finally working. Is this feeling coming from a pill? Is this how "normal" people feel every day? Aren't you all like me and feel the same things I do? Has the despair of the world lifted and gone? Is all of the violence and terror that permeates day to day living on it's way out? Are human beings finally understanding God , religion, and spirituality are not about fighting for the top position? Are all of the unimportant, inconsequential, mundane everyday annoyances fading into the back ground of acceptance, love, understanding and tolerance? or is it just the bottle of champagne I drank while making dinner and cleaning the house? I really like a good champagne buzz. It is sweet and light, like my imp Molly.
I heard wonderful news about my friends. They have procreated and are expecting the next beer lover to be born soon. The first baby is always so unexpected and exciting and challenging. The second baby is too, but not in the same novel way. When I was pregnant the first time it was the only thing that occupied my mind. Thirty nine weeks of my life passed and I could only focus on myself and what my body was doing. It was incredible. Then Connor was born and it was incredible too, in a different way. Some days and nights I did not think I would be able to put my foot in front of the other to get to the swing to pick him up. Exhaustion permeated my entire being. To be honest, six years later, it still does. Now, though, the exhaustion has become a way of life. I function this way and it feels comfortable. On those days when two rolls around and I can barely keep my head from rolling to the side and drool from dripping out of my mouth, I just brew up a fresh pot of coffee and comfort myself with the fact that seven is coming around the corner. No one, I mean no one, can ever say or show another how it feels to bring a baby into your life. It is so overwhelming in all ways positive and negative. I still try and run from the kids quietly so I have the time to pee by myself. It is nice that they offer to get me the toilet paper, to wipe, to help out but geez, there is nothing like peeing by yourself once that luxury is taken away. I am also waiting to enjoy having my boobs touched again. After two children hanging and sucking on them for over two years, they have gone on strike. Maybe I should tell my friend, the baby daddy, to get his feels in now because after....well after, anything touching those puppies are just an annoyance. And the pain of breast feeding, I have never been tortured, but I recall, holding my breath, crying, and thinking, ok, he only eats for about ten minutes, I can do it, take a couple deep breaths and go. Fuck it hurts, maybe more than the birth, but I had an epidural, so who knows. It hurts bad.
I have a but going on right now. On Saturday I will be taking my test to get my CA teaching credential. yes, I may one day, work to educate your children. It is scary, i know, but my education makes it a possibility, do not blame me, I am just looking for a fun direction, it is the state of CA you can write to about their requirements. I am nervous. I have not taken an exam since i got my real estate license in 1997. I am majorly out of practice and fractions are awful. remembering all of those math rules is something I am working on. if I have not done it since fifth grade, then I need some refreshing.
Connor will be home tomorrow after spending spring break with my mom is WA. He is so bossy and tried to always be in charge. I wonder where he got that. I think I will blame Byron. That is why you have two parents. That way you can blame someone else for the things that you do not like about your kids. It becomes, your kid did this today. This is another great way to avoid responsibility!