Talk about being low....
I am so sad right now I can not even believe it. I am also so happy, weird, yet again.
My Grandma died this early evening. I really am connected to that woman and I still feel it, but I am missing her voice.
The kids and I are off to Washington for an unspecified period of time. My family and I are going to get together talk, eat and drink and celebrate her life. I have such a close wonderful family. I can not wait to be there with my children, my mom, all of my cousins that I have missed so much in the last few years. Grandma contributed so much to everyone of the people I know It will be a crazy, fun, and poignant time for me. I think this is one of the most difficult weeks of my life.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Procrastination
I was singing the word procrastination, set to the music of Carly Simon's Anticipation when I just wrote my headline. I like Carly Simon. Her music reminds me fondly of my mother. I like my mother too.
I have been wanting to write lately, but I have followed my lazier, dirtier resolution so well, that I have not. I do think about it in my head though, but that is as far as I get. I can not tell you though how much of a positive experience my resolution has been. I still feel some nagging, good old fashioned Catholic guilt, but not nearly enough to move me to action. I feel like I have been enjoying myself even more lately and I thought I was before a lot too, so it is a whole lot of enjoying myself around here. The kids and I have been camping, met new friends, painting, coloring, swimming, to the beach, to the library, reading, writing, dancing a bunch and it has been fun. Do not get me wrong, my lovely sarcastic attitude about the hassles they present are still there, but since I am lazier and dirtier (I almost solely apply this around the house), they are a lot less hassle because I can let it all roll off my back. Maybe one day I will get better at this computer thing and upload pictures of them and add fancy stuff to my blog, but I do not think so. I am too lazy to figure it out and am quite happy with how things are now.
I think that in the last few days I have seen the funniest live moments in my life. I have laughed until I almost peed my pants. I think maybe to be fair though, I just may not remember all those other funny moments and different things may be funny to me at different times. I peed my pants a lot at one point in my life, so it must have been really fun then too. I am sad not to remember and I also feel blessed not to remember. I am adding another resolution. I am choosing to find as much enjoyment in each moment of my life as I possible can. I am working back in to PollyAnna mode. I am also working on stretching my emotions and intellect and taking more risks, as much as I can push myself, because why do I have boundaries? I can do what ever I try to do and why should I listen to that old voice inside me that whispers negative things into my soul, stealing a little joy. FUCK THAT. I have no need for the negative voice. I am experiencing the joy that is presented to me in this universe undiluted.
I passed the examination to become a CA credentialed teacher. I just received my official letter today. I have not decided where i will go with it, but it is there when I do. Technically, this means I can home school my kids. Would I really want to drive myself completely over the bend though? I think not.
I have not seen a bicycle crash in about ten years and on Saturday night I saw two. I felt bad for laughing, which I did at both instances, but the comical quality of the events were unparalleled.
Ok, random thoughts and kind of all over the place when I reread it, but that is the way my mind runs sometimes.
I am off to honor my resolution and put a frozen lasagna in the micro, open a bag salad, and toast a bagel for the kids for dinner.
I have been wanting to write lately, but I have followed my lazier, dirtier resolution so well, that I have not. I do think about it in my head though, but that is as far as I get. I can not tell you though how much of a positive experience my resolution has been. I still feel some nagging, good old fashioned Catholic guilt, but not nearly enough to move me to action. I feel like I have been enjoying myself even more lately and I thought I was before a lot too, so it is a whole lot of enjoying myself around here. The kids and I have been camping, met new friends, painting, coloring, swimming, to the beach, to the library, reading, writing, dancing a bunch and it has been fun. Do not get me wrong, my lovely sarcastic attitude about the hassles they present are still there, but since I am lazier and dirtier (I almost solely apply this around the house), they are a lot less hassle because I can let it all roll off my back. Maybe one day I will get better at this computer thing and upload pictures of them and add fancy stuff to my blog, but I do not think so. I am too lazy to figure it out and am quite happy with how things are now.
I think that in the last few days I have seen the funniest live moments in my life. I have laughed until I almost peed my pants. I think maybe to be fair though, I just may not remember all those other funny moments and different things may be funny to me at different times. I peed my pants a lot at one point in my life, so it must have been really fun then too. I am sad not to remember and I also feel blessed not to remember. I am adding another resolution. I am choosing to find as much enjoyment in each moment of my life as I possible can. I am working back in to PollyAnna mode. I am also working on stretching my emotions and intellect and taking more risks, as much as I can push myself, because why do I have boundaries? I can do what ever I try to do and why should I listen to that old voice inside me that whispers negative things into my soul, stealing a little joy. FUCK THAT. I have no need for the negative voice. I am experiencing the joy that is presented to me in this universe undiluted.
I passed the examination to become a CA credentialed teacher. I just received my official letter today. I have not decided where i will go with it, but it is there when I do. Technically, this means I can home school my kids. Would I really want to drive myself completely over the bend though? I think not.
I have not seen a bicycle crash in about ten years and on Saturday night I saw two. I felt bad for laughing, which I did at both instances, but the comical quality of the events were unparalleled.
Ok, random thoughts and kind of all over the place when I reread it, but that is the way my mind runs sometimes.
I am off to honor my resolution and put a frozen lasagna in the micro, open a bag salad, and toast a bagel for the kids for dinner.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)