Spilling It

Hi, you are right my friends, I just have not had time to sit and type about my life. So, I have a bit of time, I would like to be in the bath, but I have spare time because the kids really pissed me off tonight, so they were in bed by 6.30. I am over whining, fighting and saying things twenty times. I think that comes with being a mom but I am tired today. Byron has stayed here the last two nights. He was supposed to be out of town yesterday, but the night before I said it was ok, he wanted to be with the kids. This is so fucking hard. it is so amazingly fucking hard. I am not sure how to deal with it so I am going day by day. He knows I am seeing the Dad, he does not know it is the dad, he is just aware of someone. He forces me to look at myself and question my decisions everyday. My emotions are so raw that I can hardly stand it anymore. I cry all the time when no one is around. I know I am making the right decisions for my children and I. I have not changed in the last four months on that one, but geez, I wish he would leave me alone. I know though he has to process it to and come to terms with our family and how it will be. The asking for forgiveness, the whys, the how can yous are finally getting to me. He came on so strong with it on Tuesday night, Wednesday night adn kept it up this morning when he was leaving at 4.30 am. I kept saying what the fuck are we talking about at 5 in the morning, then Molly woke up at 5.30 and would not sleep more. OUCH.
One the other hand, I have this sweet man, who is so into me (which is scary in itself). He really likes me and tells me and even asks me how I feel. I like him, I really like him, he is my type and that is not all together good. I was going to go for not my type this time. I thought that would work out better. I am dating the Dad, all of the time, dating him, and me fucking ow, believe me, but I am so gun shy at this point and scared to like him. I feel bad for him. I now have all of these rules, the kids do not know, Byron does not know, we sneak around, but not really sneak around. He puts up with all of the Byron bullshit very nicely. It is so weird and he just lets me know it is ok to be as weird as I want about the situation and he knows I know what is best for my kids and he respects that. WOW. Whatever I want is the way it is, that is so odd for me and I know not realistic, but I am so happy that he realizes my limitations right now and they are no reflection on him, so he is totally ok to go along with whatever they are. I know I also mentioned that he has great vocubulary and he reads books, YEAH!
I saw a picture of my friend Vonnie with a friend, what is going on with that? Why is there nothing to report on that?