I Am No One You Know

I am no one you know is a title of a book by Joyce Carol Oats. It is a collection of short stories. I started reading it, but had to leave it at my mom's. I like the message the title conveys. I am no one you know, even if you are my friend. It is amazing how little we comprehend, I mean really comprehend one another. Wow, I am feeling screwed up by that. I would like to think there are people out there that know me, ME. I feel there are maybe a handful of women... Beautiful, wonderful, life sustaining women. Did God play a trick on us and allow only other females to feel the "same"? Then God had the audacity to make me heterosexual. What did I screw up to deserve that kind of Karma? Wow, if my husband could feel me, than maybe he would never be my ex-husband. I think TV is the devil because it allows (ok media in general) us to think that others think like us. No one thinks like I do, like I said, only a few understand. My husband and I, no matter how much I try to continue to delude myself, will ever think anything alike. We will, until the day we die, look at the same thing happening in a park and come up with two totally different interpretations. I really truly and sincerely believe that there will never be a man, a significant other in my life, that will ever understand me and see the same scene as I do. If I did, I would have been divorced from my husband in month three instead of still sitting here rounding up year three. In three more month's I will have been married four years. I will have been in a relationship with the same man for eight years, with only about a total of 9 weeks of real honest to goodness separation. Thinking about it gives me such a mix of feelings, disbelief, old, worn, tired, sometimes accomplishment. I think disbelief is in the front though.
I am no one you know. I know no one . I do not know you, any of you, not even my children. They think different than I do, different than their father, their friends, and you. Every human being on this earth thinks differently than every other human being. Sick. And to top it off, I feel stupid. I feel stupid because sometimes I forget it. I fall into a comfortable place where I think I am actually felt in this life. I actually think I am gotten, but then, I am really not. Am I mental or what? I call it inconsiderate of others, but I guess that is totally true, no one thinks like anyone else, so they do not consider another's feelings. How would it be possible?

Feeling low. Obviously.